CLEANSING THE GUESTHOUSE

 

“This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

​

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

​

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honourably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.”

 

This is what Rumi advises us to do in his poem titled “The Guest House”. While it seems vital for our mental health and development to lend him an ear, our houses might not always provide enough space to do so or may obstinately keep their doors closed to any passerby that could be perceived as a threat to our joy. I believe that for most of us, this tendency to ignore negative thoughts and feelings dates back to childhood, a period when our moods and emotions were not always received with the attention, kindness or tolerance they deserved, no matter how much we were, and still are, loved by our parents. The latter, after all, are ordinary people who try to cherish us through a fog of their own unresolved trauma, and it’s by them that the foundations of the house are laid.

 

Unless my observations are failing me, this refusal to take someone’s mood as it is partly stems from the readiness to project our own insecurities on someone else, who might often be an offspring or a significant other, and partly from the way most of us have been raised to assume too much responsibility for others’ feelings, which usually implies we also tend do hold others responsible for ours. There is this scene playing in my head where a child or teenager is in a sour mood with no apparent reason, and the moment another actor walks in, the plot takes a vicious turn where they are reproached by a parent who is deeply frustrated over the fact that their kid isn’t always upbeat and radiant despite all their efforts and good will, which makes them feel like a failure as a parent. In a relatively benign scenario, the kid is well aware of why they are feeling a certain way and feels free to open up about it…only to be met with a pat on the shoulder and a couple of words about how and why they shouldn’t make a big deal out of such a minor issue.

Sounds familiar, right? The two scenarios mentioned above go to show that most of us grew up being told either that we should put on a mask of high spirits if only to make someone else feel good about themselves or that our emotions don’t matter enough to be taken into consideration, or even to be properly felt and processed for that matter. I leave it to you to imagine how many feelings or emotions each one of us has buried alive in the garden of the guest house, swept under the rug in the hallway, dismissed at the door or the gate. Beware the mistake of thinking the problem ended then and there. That they all packed up and left never to come back. The buried ones are getting ready to haunt you as ghosts and zombies, while the ones lurking under the rug are fidgeting to bite your feet. The bottom line is: Whatever kind of tantrum, moodiness or blues were suppressed or dismissed in your childhood or adolescence will come back, and if not given enough attention, they will kick and scream like a kid throwing a tantrum or slam doors like a feisty teenager.

 

                          

The good news is, your guest house is surrounded by and filled with more wisdom and insight then you’ve ever imagined. There is a pretty high chance that before the above-mentioned mayhem can ensue, you’ll have other visitors that are somehow related to the former ones, and they’ll eventually be let in through a door or window left ajar. Should you invite them in and treat them with a generous amount of attention and kindness, not to mention as little reproach and judgment as possible, they will spill their guts and won’t hesitate to make you realise how they are related to a previous visitor. Better still, after it is done, they’ll be leaving both, still as their vexed selves, but feeling much lighter, while you’ll stay behind with less shadow of bitterness and more light of insightful wisdom, and needless to say, a heightened hindsight. 

Briefly, whoever is hosted properly won’t overstay their welcome unless you ask them to, which means they will no longer be there to project their issues onto your cheerful, optimistic, productive and fun guests, whether the latter come over to the guesthouse of your soul or to the literal place your body lives in. Let the wind of your breath carry in whomever the road brings over, and don’t hesitate to serve them a cup of tears in case of necessity. Your guesthouse needs as much water to be clean(s)ed as your dwelling!