HINDSIGHT: BEST FRIEND WHO IS NEVER ON TIME

 Do you ever catch yourself saying "I should have known better"? That typical expression of reproach and regret which seems to undermine all attempts at gratitude and forgiveness, because it usually springs from a complete disregard for all we have learned from what we did, as much as a lack of  empathy towards an older version of ourselves. Hardly ever do we stop, and think about how it would even be possible to fully love and respect our current self without coming to terms with the past one.

Oddly enough, Turkish language provides us with the paradoxical occasion to take pride in what we have become all the while bashing and shaming what we used to be, as if it were conceivable to get to the present state without having passed through the former one: It's not uncommon to hear a Turkish speaker utter, "I would never have done that with my current mind." That vainly pronounced "mind", as goes without saying, is a substitute for "wisdom" or rather an equivalent of "hindsight", which have been gained only thanks to the mistake and consequential lesson that has led all the way to it.

Lately I've been observing similar thought patterns concerning some stuff I've been through in the last couple of years, and have realized how much this mindset has been taking away from my self-love, so I've tried and figured a different way of thinking about how my experience has shaped me. An expression that allows me to accept without judgment whatever happened and embrace the lesson without self-reproach. Here's what I've come up with: "Hindsight is a best friend who never arrives on time." I can't seem to think of any better way of putting it, especially for my punctual self who dislikes being late as much as being kept waiting (except short delays which are pretty much inevitable in Istanbul). 

What makes hindsight more special than even our most beloved human besties is that it has little to no regard for our earthly notion of time that revolves around getting to, making it to, catching up, turning up, standing up, making it up, which is not even its most intriguing trait. There is also the fact that while we are waiting for it, holding a fragile luggage of expectation in one hand and an equally delicate bag of anticipation in the other, little do we realize what we're truly in for. We think what we are waiting for is some kind of outcome or even a reward, be it in shape of a human, action, interaction, decision or choice, which might as well hop off the train right in front of us, standing there tired from our own journey, as hopeful and vulnerable as can be. Sometimes right on the anticipated time, or sometimes even earlier...Only to turn out later on to be something far from living up to whatever we'd been looking forward to.

Hindsight, with all its graceful might, will start to approach us right at the moment we're left behind amidst broken pieces of expectation, hope and anticipation, under a soaking rain of despair and disappointment. Instead of giving you an exact instruction of how to fix all that has been shattered, it will give you a pat on the shoulder and a return ticket of limitless use, and accompany you to and fro between that moment of fracture, and new trajectories that will allow you the time and distance to see things from an ever widening perspective. You will visit the spot of fracture countless times to fix whatever you can with whatever you've already learned each and every time. 

The more the past is repaired by an ever-evolving present, the more Hindsight itself will grow wiser and stronger... Until one day, you hop back on the train with an intact baggage of hope, courage and resilience, and Hindsight as an impeccable friend, with whom you'll look back on whatever you've been through...Whether you'll do your friend enough justice to do that with appreciation and kindness, or choose to sink into futile
remorse and reproach is up to you. Nevertheless, let me remind you once again: You couldn't have known better. Being a more conscious you requires having been a less conscious you and risen above it...with a little help from your unpunctual friend.